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Suddenly they’re at home a lot and are B-O-R-E-D. If you’re at work you may feel stressed about them having so much open time to fill on their own without adult supervision. If you’re at home, you’re probably going a little bit crazy.
Because when tweens and teens are bored, their go-to place is the nearest screen. Which is fine for an hour or two. But it’s not fine if they spend days glued to a screen. Besides being unhealthy it makes them very, very cranky.
If your teen has a seasonal job, drives herself places and has an active social life, then this post isn’t for you. But for the rest of us, here are a few tips on how to deal with bored teens and tweens at home for the holidays:
1. Before winter break begins, talk about expectations.
When people are in a good mood, brainstorm ideas of things your kids and family could do over winter break. It might involve games, ice skating, inviting certain people over, making a movie, baking cookies, or whatever sounds good in or out of the house. Post the list on the fridge and direct bored kids to it when they complain about how dull their lives are.
Also discuss your expectations for screen time. How much time can they spend on the Internet, DS, Wii, Kinect, iPod Touch, and iPad each day? You might have different ideas for different aged kids.
Talk about what kinds of chores you want them to do. Do they do more, fewer or the same number of jobs around the holidays?
Discuss your rules for having friends over when you aren’t at home, and any other limits you might need to reinforce due to an extended break from school.
Talk about your availability to drive them around. Are you willing to drop girls off at the mall next Wednesday? Describe your work schedule.
2. Listen to the boredom complaints – to a point.
Be neutral. Say “Uh huh” a lot. Don’t engage, and don’t solve. Say you’re confident that they’ll be able to sort it out. You could say what you do when you’re bored, if you sense they might be open to hearing that. (A lot of the time it’s just an easy invitation for them to argue with you about how ridiculous your ideas are).
I’m not a big fan of telling your kids that it’s not OK to be bored, or that “only boring people are bored”. Feeling bored happens to all of us, even us busy adults. Haven’t you been super busy and super bored at the same time? Sometimes we just get into a mood.
3. If you’re asked, be willing to brainstorm ideas on how to relieve boredom.
No, it’s not your job to solve the boredom issue, but if your son asks you for ideas, go ahead a offer a few. Sometimes we need to brainstorm with others to switch into a new mood.
4. Say when enough is enough already.
If your daughter is carrying on dramatically about how there’s nothing to do and she lives in the most boring house in the neighborhood and that if only you’d buy her a Kinect she could have a life worth living and not be embarrassed to invite friends over, you don’t have to keep listening.
If your son asks for your input and angrily shoots down your ideas, tell him you’re done talking about it.
Kids see us as easy punching bags, but don’t forget that you don’t have to put up with it!
Learning how to deal with feeling bored is a life skill. Many of today’s kids are unused to having long stretches of unscheduled time and quickly feel bored when there’s no specific plan. It’s good for them to find their own way through their boredom.
However, just because they’re bored and around the house a lot doesn’t mean you have to suffer, too. Spend time away from one another, speak up when you’ve had enough, and plan ahead of time of people to see and things to do during the break.
What tips do you have for dealing with your kids’ boredom?
Today’s Tuesday Tip: Let Go of New Year’s Resolutions
This is part of an (almost) weekly “Tuesday Tips” series. Each is a bite-size tip designed to help you, the sandwich generation member extraordinaire, feel a bit more calm and inspired.
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Instead wait for a time when you feel truly compelled to make a change and then create a plan of action. If that’s now, great. But don’t call it a New Year’s resolution!
Here are a few keys to making changes that you sustain:
Make sure it’s something you care deeply about.
If you think you should change, or if you can list a whole bunch of logical reasons why it’s a good idea to change but can’t figure out why you really, deeply care at an emotional level, select something else. Or keep thinking about your idea until you can figure out why you care.
Break it down into the smallest steps possible.
If you want to lose 30 pounds, what does that mean you are doing today? You might want to throw out the junk food and buy fresh fruits and vegetables. You might be creating an eating plan for the next week. Maybe you’re going for a walk. The more concrete and small your steps are, the more likely you are to make progress.
Think trends, not perfection.
If you want to change a habit, you’ll have days when you are unsuccessful. This is not failure, it’s simply how it goes. Rather than obsessing over slip-ups, make your next action in line with the change you want to make. And track trends over time. Are you following your plan 80% of the time? Congratulations! You’ll get there.
Keep reminding yourself why you care about making this change.
There is a part of our brains that seeks pleasure and safety. When the going gets tough, remind yourself about the pleasurable outcome you’re aiming for. It needs to be pleasurable, not just sensible. It’s sensible to have a certain BMI. It’s pleasurable to run in a 5K race with your friends. It’s sensible to save more money for retirement. It’s pleasurable to travel to Italy for an adventure.
What New Year’s resolution are you letting go of?